Feeling the Holiday Blues lately. Yung tipong naiiyak ka for no apparent reason. Sucks.

Bye for now, Twitter and Facebook!

It's my first day without my facebook and twitter account. I decided to deactivate both profiles last night. It was becoming a source of my negativity and cynicism. I've been reading stuff that reminded me of so many things. Mostly sad memories. So I had to let it go. Part of my way of showing that I am fighting back and letting the sunshine in. Will spend time with my friends in the real world. No more virtual relationships for me.

Dependency

I’m turning 29 in a few months and I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I’ve often labeled myself as lost to hide the fact that I’m simply a coward. I’ve always known what I want. I’ve always known where I want to be. I’ve always known who I want to be. I just don’t know why I can’t get my ass to move and start reaching for those damn stars.

I hope Paulo Coelho knew what he’s saying when he wrote, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Maybe that’s the problem. I’m too dependent on the universe to give me what I want without actually working for it. Help.

Nahan ka?

I'd love to wake up with someone special beside me someday. Share a cup of coffee. Make him breakfast. Laugh our hearts out until we cry. Hot sex until the morning light. Be silly and crazy together. Argue over issues. Bubble baths together. Engage in petty fights. Hold hands.

I haven't met him yet. But I know he's out there somewhere...

Random Things I Love

I love driving through highways lined with trees.
I love a soft, cool breeze.
I love fruit shakes, smoothies and cold teas.
I love big, huggable animals.
I love talking to interesting strangers.
I love cream puffs.
I love walking barefoot on the beach.
I love surprise hugs.
I love pink-orange skies.
I love everything about babies.
I love holding hands.
I love staying in on a rainy day.
I love long and tender kisses.

Long Lost Letter

I was looking at my sent items sa Friendster just to check if I was able to send a reply to a friend. And ito ang nakita ko, ang letter na i sent to the guy dun sa "Let it burn..." na post. Lol

Hi ---. I dunno where to start. I just need to do this
for me. I wanted to call you pero i couldn't gather
as much courage to do so. I guess i'm a coward.
Pero at least ito, mas odd ang chances na i'll
forget something. i hope... I've been wanting to tell
you this for so long... Well here goes...

You were the reason why i came back to UPLB. It
was not Rivka. I have always loved you and i guess
will always will. I was happiest when i was with
you. I just wanted you to know that. Thank you so
much for everything. For being a friend and for
always being there for me. Di ko nga alam why i
still think about you until now. But not as much
naman like before. hehe. sabay bawi =)

This email is some sort of closure for me. I just
want to move on completely. Maybe this
confession might help. I hope we could still be the
best of friends. I wish you all the happiness in the
world. You deserve it ---. You take care okay?
Happy New Year! God bless =)

What's Love Got To Do With It

One weekend, I went out with friends. Two of them were running late so the rest of us headed to People’s Park to kill waiting time. The place was practically deserted and the night was uneventful, until I got hold of news regarding a friend’s shocking marriage plans.

“Wow! Congrats! I’m so happy for you!!!” would be my normal reaction upon hearing someone's upcoming wedding. But this matrimony was different. All it could get out of me was a cynical falsetto, “Whaaaaaat?!?”.

Dismayed. Confused. Stunned. Distressed. Appalled. I could go on and enumerate all synonymous words but not one could exactly describe how I felt that night. One thing was sure though, I just couldn’t fathom the fact that they were getting married. I couldn’t believe that in less than a year of dating, there’d be wedding bells, and a proclamation that it's love. Adding to my confusion was my friend's "Why wait?" justification. I wanted to strangle her when she said that.

The skeptic in me just couldn’t believe that it was love as affirmed by these glazed-eyed lovers. And even if it was love, is it wise to get hitched solely for that reason? Would love still conquer all once the glow wears off and reality kicks in? I just hope I’m wrong because as much as I enjoy giving I-told-you-so lectures, I don’t want to go into that in the future.